I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Couch. On fire.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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