one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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