hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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