You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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