I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize