Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
