maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The beer is more important than you right now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
