If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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