oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
