I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
