Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
