i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
