He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
