thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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