I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
