Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
