I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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