If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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