I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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