Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
