dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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