I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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