how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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