If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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