paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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