I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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