So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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