Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
