Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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