i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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