k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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