Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think i have two assholes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
