he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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