I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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