Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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