He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
