I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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