how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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