I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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