imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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