She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
