and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Welp...herpes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
