I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
