I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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