awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
