yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
