Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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