Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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