I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
