i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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