Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
