First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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