Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
