You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh god it's open bar.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
