3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
tell me about the eggs
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