I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
