The maid of honor just puked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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