ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
