I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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