but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
