Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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