You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
