I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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